Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
