fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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