dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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