Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
