and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
