I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
