Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
