I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
