my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
