I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
