Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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