Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
