Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
