Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
