Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
