I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
