ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am available for nakedness
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
