i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
