Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
