booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
