Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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