my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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