To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
