It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
