I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
