if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
