Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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