Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
