I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
