Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
