There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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