So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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