Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
