A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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