I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
