I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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