it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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