Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
