There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
