Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
