Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
