so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
