he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
