She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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