you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
