she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
