She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You ruined the universe
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
