i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
