omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize