I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Operation Purity has been aborted
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
